This is the story of my situationship with Tom and why it left me reeling when it ended.

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Hello everyone! My name is Jessica, and I'm a 28-year-old writer living in Austin, Texas. Today, I want to share a deeply personal experience with you—a breakup that wasn't really a breakup, but hurt more than I ever imagined it would.

What is a Situationship?

First, let's define what a situationship is. A situationship is a romantic relationship that lacks clear boundaries and commitment. It's more than a friendship but doesn't reach the level of a fully committed partnership. You're essentially stuck in a grey area, unsure of where you stand and what to expect from the other person.

Meeting Tom: The Beginning of a Situationship

Tom and I met at a mutual friend's birthday party. He was charming, funny, and incredibly attractive. We hit it off instantly, and by the end of the night, we had exchanged numbers. There was an undeniable chemistry between us, and we started hanging out regularly.

From the start, our connection was intense and exciting. We spent weekends exploring Austin's live music scene, shared our favorite books and movies, and had long, deep conversations about life. However, as much as we enjoyed each other's company, we never had the "what are we?" conversation. There were no labels, no commitments, just an unspoken understanding that we enjoyed being together.

The Blissful Ambiguity

In the beginning, the ambiguity of our relationship was thrilling. There were no expectations or pressures, just two people enjoying each other's company. This arrangement suited me perfectly at the time. I had just gotten out of a long-term relationship and wasn't looking for anything serious. Tom felt the same way. We both wanted to keep things light and carefree.

However, as time went on, my feelings for Tom deepened. I started to crave more than just casual hangouts and late-night texts. I wanted to know where we stood and if we had a future together. Despite these growing feelings, I was afraid to bring up the subject, fearing it might ruin the easy-going dynamic we had.

The Cracks Begin to Show

After a few months, the cracks in our situationship began to show. Tom started to pull away. He became less available and our conversations grew shorter and less frequent. When we did hang out, there was an unspoken tension between us. It was as if we were both avoiding the inevitable conversation about where this relationship was heading.

One night, after a particularly awkward evening, I finally mustered the courage to ask Tom what we were doing. His response was vague and non-committal. He liked me, enjoyed spending time with me, but wasn't ready for anything serious. It was the answer I dreaded but expected.

The Pain of the Breakup That Wasn't

Shortly after that conversation, our situationship fizzled out. Tom stopped reaching out and I, not wanting to seem desperate, did the same. We simply drifted apart without any formal breakup or closure. It was as if our relationship never existed.

The pain I felt during this period was intense and confusing. How could something that was never officially defined hurt so much? Why did the end of a situationship feel more devastating than the end of my previous long-term relationship?

Understanding the Pain

Through self-reflection and conversations with friends, I began to understand why situationship breakups can be so painful. Here are some reasons why:

1. Lack of Closure

In a traditional breakup, there's usually a conversation that provides some level of closure. In a situationship, there's often no formal ending, leaving you with unanswered questions and unresolved feelings. The ambiguity that once felt liberating now becomes a source of confusion and pain.

2. Unrealized Potential

Situationships are filled with potential and "what ifs." When they end, you're left mourning the future you envisioned but never had. The lack of commitment means you never truly know what could have been, which can be incredibly hard to let go of.

3. Unspoken Emotions

In a situationship, you often hold back your true feelings to avoid scaring the other person away. When it ends, all those unspoken emotions come crashing down, leaving you overwhelmed and heartbroken. The fear of expressing your feelings while in the situationship makes the pain of losing it even more intense.

4. Self-Doubt

The end of a situationship can lead to a lot of self-doubt and questioning. You might wonder if you did something wrong or if you weren't good enough for the other person to commit. This can take a toll on your self-esteem and make it harder to move on.

Coping with the Pain

Coping with the end of a situationship requires time, self-compassion, and a willingness to face your emotions head-on. Here are some strategies that helped me navigate through the pain:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

It's important to acknowledge and validate your feelings, even if the relationship wasn't clearly defined. Allow yourself to grieve and process the loss. Bottling up your emotions will only prolong the healing process. Give yourself permission to feel sad, angry, or confused.

2. Seek Support

Reach out to friends and family for support. Talking about your feelings can provide comfort and perspective. You might be surprised to find that others have gone through similar experiences. Sharing your story can help you feel less alone and more understood.

3. Reflect on the Experience

Take some time to reflect on the situationship and what it taught you about yourself and your needs in a relationship. Use this as an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. Ask yourself what you want in a future relationship and what boundaries you need to set to protect your heart.

4. Focus on Self-Care

Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you relax. Whether it's exercising, reading, or spending time with loved ones, prioritize self-care to help you heal. Taking care of your physical and mental well-being is crucial during this time.

5. Avoid Contact

It can be tempting to reach out to the other person for closure or to rekindle the connection, but this often prolongs the healing process. Give yourself the space and distance needed to move on. If possible, unfollow them on social media and remove any reminders of the situationship from your life.

Moving Forward

The end of a situationship can be a turning point in your personal growth journey. It taught me the importance of clear communication, setting boundaries, and knowing my worth. Here are some lessons I learned from my experience with Tom:

1. Be Clear About Your Intentions

From the start, be clear about what you're looking for in a relationship. This can help avoid misunderstandings and ensure both parties are on the same page. If you're looking for a committed relationship, don't settle for less in the hope that the other person will change their mind.

2. Trust Your Instincts

If something feels off or you're unsure about the other person's intentions, trust your instincts. It's better to have a difficult conversation early on than to stay in a grey area that leaves you feeling insecure and anxious.

3. Know Your Worth

Remember that you deserve someone who is willing to commit and build a future with you. Don't settle for a situationship if what you truly want is a committed relationship. Knowing your worth and what you bring to a relationship is crucial in finding a partner who values and respects you.

4. Set Boundaries

Establish clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. This includes being honest about your feelings, communicating your needs, and knowing when to walk away if those needs aren't being met. Boundaries are essential in maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Conclusion

The end of my situationship with Tom was a painful and confusing experience, but it also led to significant personal growth and self-awareness. It taught me valuable lessons about love, communication, and self-worth that I carry with me into future relationships.

If you're going through the end of a situationship, know that your feelings are valid and it's okay to grieve the loss. Use this time to reflect, grow, and prioritize your own well-being. And remember, you deserve a relationship that brings you joy, security, and fulfillment.

Thank you for reading my story. I hope it provides some comfort and insight to those navigating similar experiences. Remember, every ending is a new beginning, and you have the power to create the love story you deserve.